World Compliment Day is a celebration of uplifting words and meaningful connections. It’s an opportunity to pause and recognize the power of kindness, not just in the lives of those around us, but in shaping our own emotional well-being. Compliments may seem small, but their impact on both the giver and the receiver can be profound. As we explore the deeper psychology behind kindness, we’re reminded of an age-old belief: “What goes around comes around.” While inspiring in some contexts, this idea can also have unintended consequences when intertwined with our thoughts about fairness and expectations.
The Psychology of "What Goes Around Comes Around"
The belief in "what goes around comes around" reflects a deep-seated human desire for justice and balance. Psychologists call this the "just-world hypothesis," a cognitive bias where people believe that the world is inherently fair and that good deeds will inevitably be rewarded while bad deeds will face consequences (Lerner & Miller, 1978). While this belief can motivate altruism and promote a sense of order, it can also lead to what’s known as the fairness fallacy (Zorbas, 2023).
The fairness fallacy arises when we expect life to operate on a straightforward system of reciprocity, only to be met with disappointment (Zorbas, 2023). For example, someone who consistently gives compliments or performs acts of kindness may find themselves frustrated if they don’t receive the same treatment in return. This disillusionment can foster resentment or reinforce negative thought patterns, leading to what psychologists term automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) (Shapiro, 2019). These ANTs often sound like, “Why do I bother when no one does the same for me?” or “People never appreciate what I do.”
These thoughts are not only demotivating but also counterproductive. They shift the focus from the intrinsic joy of giving to an extrinsic focus on outcomes—a perspective that undermines the genuine act of kindness.

Kindness from the Heart: True to Yourself
On World Compliment Day, we’re reminded to practice kindness and give compliments not as transactions, but as reflections of who we are. Compliments should come from the heart—not as a means of expecting something in return, but as a way of aligning with our values and expressing authenticity.
Research in positive psychology emphasizes the power of intrinsic motivation in fostering well-being (Abbas, 2022). When we act out of genuine care or connection, we’re more likely to experience positive emotions, regardless of external validation. Compliments rooted in sincerity create an environment of trust and positivity, allowing relationships to flourish without the weight of expectation.
Doing something nice for someone else—whether it’s a thoughtful compliment or a kind gesture—should reflect your desire to contribute to the world in a meaningful way. This approach not only reduces the risk of disappointment but also enhances your sense of self. You’re no longer measuring your worth or the value of your actions by others’ responses; instead, you’re reinforcing your commitment to living authentically.
Breaking Free from Negative Thought Patterns
Breaking free from the fairness fallacy requires a conscious shift in mindset. Here are a few strategies to help:
- Practice Gratitude: Focus on the positive outcomes of your actions, even if they’re intangible. Gratitude can reframe your perspective and help you see the value in giving without strings attached.
- Challenge ANTs: When automatic negative thoughts creep in, pause and question their validity. Replace thoughts like, “No one appreciates me,” with, “I’m proud of myself for spreading kindness.”
- Set Healthy Expectations: Remind yourself that the goal of kindness is not reciprocity but self-expression and connection.
- Celebrate Intrinsic Rewards: Reflect on how giving compliments or performing kind acts makes you feel. Notice the joy, warmth, or sense of purpose it brings.
A Compliment a Day: Simple, Yet Profound
On this World Compliment Day, let’s embrace the simple yet profound act of uplifting others with our words. Compliments have the power to create ripples of positivity, not because we expect something in return, but because we believe in the good they bring to the world.
Remember, what truly matters is not whether kindness circles back to you, but how it aligns with your values and reinforces your sense of self. Compliments given from the heart are acts of authenticity and courage—small yet mighty steps toward creating a kinder, more compassionate world.
So today, offer a heartfelt compliment to someone. Whether it’s a friend, colleague, or stranger, your words might just be the light they need. And in the process, you’ll discover that the true reward of kindness lies within you.
Happy World Compliment Day!
References
Abbas, A., Ekowati, D., Suhariadi, F., & Hamid, S. A. (2022). Negative vs. positive psychology: A review of science of well-being. Integrative Psychological and Behavioral Science, 58(4), 1091–1122. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12124-022-09708-1
Lerner, M. J., & Miller, D. T. (1978). Just world research and the attribution process: Looking back and ahead. Psychological Bulletin, 85(5), 1030–1051. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.85.5.1030
Shapiro, L. (2019). Cognitive behavioral therapy: Worksheets: 65+ ready-to-use CBT worksheets to motivate change, practice new behaviors and regulate emotion. PESI.
Zorbas, A. (2023, July 23). The Fallacy of Fairness: An Overview of This Cognitive Distortion. Therapy Now SF. January 21, 2025, https://www.therapynowsf.com/blog/the-fallacy-of-fairness-an-overview-of-this-cognitive-distortion#:~:text=The%20Fallacy%20of%20Fairness%20is%20a%20cognitive%20distortion,governed%20by%20explicit%20conventions%20and%20rules%E2%80%94laws%20and%20regulations.